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Our Advice columnist says that closing an open relationship may be key to reigniting the dying fire in the bedroom. We both are way more attracted to other hot guys than we are to each other and sex with them is a lot steamier than sex with each other. We went into this relationship with great ideals about monogamy and wanting to stay together forever.

But our intimate relationship got dull over time and we both wanted more heat and passion.

From what we hear from almost all our gay friends, this is extremely common: You are in a pretty common dilemma for gay men. This fix for a dull sex life is easier and more obvious than figuring out how to have a good sex life as a couple. It is true that sex is usually more exciting with someone when you first meet him.

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While sex cannot stay the same, it absolutely does not have to fade away. The thrill of sex with a long-term partner is different from the thrill of sex with a new partner. It usually leans more toward closeness and connection. If you want to resurrect a passionate sex life with your husband, you do have to work at it.

Here are some steps to take:.

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First, consider closing your relationship. Yes, I know this is an unpopular stance that some say is impossible, but when you can easily have hot sex with another man, why would you bother putting in the effort needed to have hot sex with your long-term partner? Second, I suggest that you end gasp! Porn sets a very high bar in your brain for what is attractive and hot.

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And porn programs your brain to focus on having an orgasm as opposed to having relational sex with another imperfect human being. Third, work at finding ways to nurture romance and affection, rather than taking each other for granted, or worse.

A great way to do this is by taking risks. Just as complacency is a great desire killer, uncertainty can be a great turn-on. Step out of your comfort zone and let your husband know you better as a sexual being. Make a move that you are not comfortable making, but want to make.

Intend to have sex with your husband as you have sex with a stranger.

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Letting your husband really see you sexually can be scary, but also erotic. Michael RadkowskyPsy.

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He can be found online at personalgrowthzone. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Send it to Michael personalgrowthzone. Advice open relationships relationships same-sex couples sex.

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